Ending's Beginnings

I believe death is a very personal thing and the below came about as a group of friends and myself talked about the death of a mutual friend by suicide. Each person had a different reaction and felling about what this person had done, some were sad, same angry others just puzzled . So I tried to give each of them a voice. After readings it back I though I was missing the most important voice from this group of friends, that of the departed, so I tried to give them a voice as well.

I

Crimson drops

Porcelain and mortar

Alabaster form

Smeared in red

Never to heal

The open wound

Forever gripping

Stained sword

Dyed water

Spilling on to tile

Coursing red highway

Trapped in hypermnesia

Painful but never forgotten

Just lost in the haze

Hopes and dreams

Unfixable shattered

The windows are glazed

Façade stained with crystalline rain

Clock in the chamber winding down

Then slowing ticking down

Suddenly gripped by fear

Of this unknown - Too late coming

Smiling lips - It'll be fine

As this end comes – so welcome.

II

Why did you do it?

Couldn’t see beyond yourself

Taking you away leaving nothing

But the pain & confusion

Spreading it amongst

Those you claimed to love

That you left behind

Didn’t you care?

Just completely check out

Why didn’t you think?

No one obviously mattered

It was all about yourself

Was it the easiest solution?

To vacate your life

Now just bereaved

Are you at peace?

Within your plot

Aren’t you angry with yourself?

Just like I am

Couldn’t you find the will

To live – Obviously not

Just tossed it away

Like a old single shoe

One second – Was all you took

For you to make up your mind

Thoughtless – Selfish –

It was all about you

_____________________________________________________________

III

I don’t understand?

What truly made you – so desperate?

I loved you but you didn’t love me back

To tell me your fears –

Please come back

We always shared a bond

II would have understood

I could have helped

If you could’ve just talked

Confided in me

We would’ve found a way

To fix all the errors

I mourn your passing

It breaks my heart

To think you were all alone

Feeling no where you could turn

That no words spoken could’ve helped

Did you think – I would’ve understood

I loved you – I could have helped

I don’t think I’ll ever be the same –

IV

Don’t – Why

Don’t want to cry

Don’t want to scream

I’m no longer sure how I feel

Just want to sit still here

Don’t want to think another minute

Can’t seem to mourn your passing

Just sitting staring into space

Want to be blankly vacant

Want to be numbed

Just can’t, can’t, can’t………